“I spent a lot of years trying to outrun or outsmart vulnerability by making things certain and definite, black and white, good and bad. My inability to lean into the discomfort limited the fullness of those important experiences that are wrought with uncertainty: Love, belonging, trust, joy and creativity to name a few.” -Brené Brown

Uncertainty, gross. That’s been my mentality lately.

I like being in the know, having the answers, knowing where I’m headed, a birds-eye view of my life if you will. I mean, it’s MY life, I deserve answers, right? Ummm helloooo, God? You there?

I’m a drive-around-aimlessly-listening-to-music kind of girl and that’s exactly what I was doing when an epiphany hit me like a freight train. It’s not uncertainty that’s the problem, it’s my lack of trust.

Read that again: It’s not uncertainty that’s the problem, it’s my lack of trust.

Whoa. Who can relate?

It’s said that an average person will experience five pivotal, life-changing events. Five decisions/realizations that will ultimately change the trajectory of their life. This epiphany is one of mine.

Having faith essentially means living with uncertainty and that little string of words can be a big pill to swallow. If someone were to ask me if I lacked faith I’d confidently tell them: “Pff, no way. Me? Lack faith? You’re kidding, right?” But if I really lean into it and take a look at how my heads been working lately, ha - what a hypocrite.

Trusting the process is NOT something I’ve been doing and yet it’s usually the first piece of advice I serve up to others. Again, hypocrite. I came out of the womb a go-getter and sometimes because of this, I sabotage myself right out of the very process that will lead me there.

There’s so much beauty in sitting back, letting it breathe and knowing fully that God’s got this. So much power.

I mean come on, if we can’t learn to trust the process, we’re going to suffer through the majority of life. No thanks, nope, not for me.

Trust. Trust like the quality of your life depends on it, because well, it does. Giving up control can be scary, but you know what’s even scarier? Taking it out of His hands and putting it into mine.